This is where I am going to write about myself as a DJ profile.
An Uneasy Sadness
October 29th, 2007 by jp received No Comments »Well, a few days have passed, and things have settled down.
Mai and I had a long talk about our relationship. She feels she needs to be withou me to grow, and I agree with her. She is all I’ve ever wanted in a partner, but until she can feel she can stand alone, our relationship would continue to be unstable. It is hard not to want to doubt yourself, fight to keep her, or crawl into a corner and cry. However, I’ve chosen to be supportive of her.
I can’t hate Mai. No matter how hard I try, it would be a fool’s errand. If I truly love her (and I do), then I have to accept that she needs this. It is a bitter pill to swallow.
She moves out on Saturday to an apartment about 5 minutes walk away. I think I’ll still be a part of her life, just in a much more limited way. If I ever want to be with her again, I have to let her go now. It will be hard to be alone, but to be honest, I have no idea how hard.
I’ve decided to keep the apartment we lived in. I want to keep my door open to her, and I love Takatsuki. Money may be tighter than I expected, but I’m paid well enough to survive with a bit to spare.
I realized I’ve never actually lived totally alone. There has always been roommates, or Mai. Maybe this whole terrible experience will teach me something about myself.
I love Mai. There is no doubt of that. I also have no doubts about what we had. However, we can’t be together until she is mature enough to have confidence saying the same thing. If this day comes, my door will be open to her; however, I know I can’t be standing in it waiting. It all leaves me with an uneasy sadness.
Posted under: Life
