Things are getting better.

My initial shock has subsided, and I realize that Mai is making the best decision for her, and for me. Everyday we talk about it, I learn more about the feelings she has suppressed because she was afraid to tell me. Some of it is sad, but most of it makes me realize that she needs time to figure out how to express herself, be confident, and ultimately be a good partner. She has even been able to express how she feels about me in ways that surprised me.

Some people have been really surprised that I won’t hate her for this. But just because she is leaving to live her life for a while is not a reason to hate someone. She needs to be selfish and work through her immaturities, and I need to do the same. And the first step in that is being grown up and supporting her for taking the steps she needs to grow up herself.

Besides, if I support her, I’ll always be in her life, even if only as a friend. And being that she is an amazing person to begin with, that is a pretty damn good reason to be a grown up about all of this. Not to mention, one can never tell the future. Growing up does not necessarily mean growing apart.

Anyways, the thing that I’ve most learned in these past two weeks is actually pretty simple.

Who needs a girlfriend when you have a weighted companion cube.

Well, a few days have passed, and things have settled down.

Mai and I had a long talk about our relationship. She feels she needs to be withou me to grow, and I agree with her. She is all I’ve ever wanted in a partner, but until she can feel she can stand alone, our relationship would continue to be unstable. It is hard not to want to doubt yourself, fight to keep her, or crawl into a corner and cry. However, I’ve chosen to be supportive of her.

I can’t hate Mai. No matter how hard I try, it would be a fool’s errand. If I truly love her (and I do), then I have to accept that she needs this. It is a bitter pill to swallow.

She moves out on Saturday to an apartment about 5 minutes walk away. I think I’ll still be a part of her life, just in a much more limited way. If I ever want to be with her again, I have to let her go now. It will be hard to be alone, but to be honest, I have no idea how hard.

I’ve decided to keep the apartment we lived in. I want to keep my door open to her, and I love Takatsuki. Money may be tighter than I expected, but I’m paid well enough to survive with a bit to spare.

I realized I’ve never actually lived totally alone. There has always been roommates, or Mai. Maybe this whole terrible experience will teach me something about myself.

I love Mai. There is no doubt of that. I also have no doubts about what we had. However, we can’t be together until she is mature enough to have confidence saying the same thing. If this day comes, my door will be open to her; however, I know I can’t be standing in it waiting. It all leaves me with an uneasy sadness.

Mai is moving out. Or better stated, she is leaving me, and is moving out as a consequence of said decision.

I’ve been told that she wants to do her own thing, going out and living life 100% for herself, and that if we stayed together we would end up in divorce, or she would end up hating me.

This all came as quite a shock.

Needless to say, I’ve got to find a new place to live, and start a new life again.

It’s hard not to think the past 4.5 years were a waste, but they weren’t. I just never imagined a life without her. That life starts tomorrow. I don’t even know how I’ll get through today.

Ferrari, you are the 2007 Constructor’s Champion!

And Kimi… You, sir, are the 2007 Driver’s Champion!

The past few weeks have been anything but normal, so it is time for an anything but normal post. Here is a chronicle of my past few weeks:

I’ve had an iPod Touch for a while now, and I have to say that after owning a 1G Nano and a 4G iPod, the touch is definitely my favorite of the three.

I purchased it on the first day of my vacation, September 14, the minute the Apple Store received stock. Then I went and had lunch with some old friends.

Unfortunately, the first touch I had was a week 37 with the bad screen, but the Apple Store in Aventura Mall was kind enough to swap me out to a week 38 once they saw the screen. Now I couldn’t be happier.

My vacation was great stuff, but I spent way too much money.

Pictures of splurging after the cut.